Jabber

I really wish I hadn't upgraded my livejournal. I hate the ads. They are a real eye sore. For some reason every other time I try to post a new entry a window for netscape pops up, wanting me to download it. So I cancel it and then I lose my livejournal window. So I have to start all over again.

We got the bills paid this time. Next payday it will be rent and Tom seems to think we can knock out what we owe the bank. I think by then it will be well over three hundred dollars but whatever.

My laptop is still in the shop. Not that I can do anything about it even if it was fixed. The guy called and left a message saying the connector pins weren't lining up. He has to get another connector and try it again. But it isn't a bad thing. Maybe by the time it is fixed I will have the money or at least half.

Tom keeps telling me to quit freaking out. That things arn't as worst as they were the last time we were down. But I really think things are. It is really taking its toll on me too. I feel like going in a corner, grabbing my knees and cry. But on the bright side, things really could be worst and they could always get worst. So I better just take things one day at a time and suck it up. Get happy. Not that I'm not happy with what I do have. I do wanna be happier and funner. I wanna get over these hard times. I miss not having these worries.

On a lighter note. I had Tom download some songs that I think are great. Not the greatest but just great for this time period. But out of all the songs I had him download, my favorites are (Into The Ocean by Blue October). I am not sure how well I like that band. I have only heard that song and part of another. I also like (Lips Of An Angel by Hinder) and (Fidelity by Regina Spektor). I like (The Killers) too. (Bones) was a cool video but not as great as their (Mr. Brightside) video. Tom downloaded the acoustic version of that song. I wasn't happy with that but he says he will download it again, so that gives me another opportunity to have him download other great songs that I like. Maybe older ones or something. There was another song I like allot but not as much as I liked the video. (After Glow by Inxs). That is a hot video. I have it on my laptop. I really miss my laptop.

Besides music, I have been playing GTA Vice City. I have 74% complete on one game that my cousin and I started playing three years ago. I have been working on finding all the hidden packages and doing all the rampages. It's just a matter of finding those things. There are also ramps that I need to find and jump. I think there are a couple of check point missions that I need to find and complete.

When I get bored with GTA that I go on to The Sims 2. Mom has it and The Sims 2 Pets. Lucky her. She is all the time calling me and then telling me how much fun it is. Makes me a little annoyed. I really want GTA Vice City Stories and GTA Liberty Stories. Maybe someday.....Until then I will just be happy with what I do have. It's for the best I suppose. Or so I am telling myself that. Just to make myself fell better.

As for the cat situation. Well....It's still here. I would really like to take half of them to a cat shelter or something. Even if it were just a couple at a time would help allot. It is so overwhelming and it doesn't get any better.

Amy still has her two little kittens. They are getting big but very cute. She did however get rid of the puppy. She was too much for her to take care of. A friend had said she would love to take it. She said this many times, so Amy gave her up.

Concerning the Amy/Heath/Chris situation. It is a bit harry. Amy should have never got in with another guy so soon before her and Heath had officially split. Now she is confused. Heath keeps talking to her. Telling her how much he's changed and how sorry he is for this and that. He even wrote dad a letter. It seems to me that there might be a small possibility that he actually means what he says but that just isn't enough for me. Things just don't get fixed within a person over night. If he really means it then he should be aware that he needs counseling and have a change of attitude towards all things. Then I might reconsider how I feel about the two of them getting back together again. Of course dad says that is all well that Heath is sorry but he still wants him away from Amy. To never get back with her again.

Chris on the other hand his smothering Amy. Something she isn't use to. But I think a person that was use to that sort of thing might feel the same as she does. He really lays it on thick. So that doesn't really help Amy right now. He really needs to back off before she pushed him away. I think she might do that if he isn't careful. He is great with the kids. Teaching them how to be proper little people.

Amy is forcing Gavyn to see Heath, in which I think is so wrong. So Gavyn has been mad and I kinda think he might be depressed. I brought that up to Amy and she said he wasn't feeling good. Which may be so but I still think something isn't right there. I guess the other day he tried skipping school by staying at home but Amy caught him and made him go to school late. This morning he stood over the heat vent and then told her he had a fever. It almost worked but then Amy figured it out.

So after seeing Amy and the kids today I kinda feel bad. I know how I get so angry with not seeing her. I actually get jealous of her friends. Maybe that isn't fair of me or maybe it is childish. I do love my sister and I know there will be moments when I do have sour feelings. I just need to learn to do something about them and not let them boil over, that I may start saying all these mean things about her. That deep down I do love my sister. I only wish we could get close again.

As for somebody else that I dearly love and think about often....Someone who might read this one day. My cousin. I miss her allot too. More than she knows. I miss hanging out with her and chatting with her online and on the phone. I miss the fun times we had on the internet. And I wish one day we could be close again too. I just wonder if she is thinking the same thing too.